How to be More Confident When You Feel Judged by Other Parents

Mar 19, 2018 | Parenting and Autism

judged by other parents

 

Being confident in the face of judgemental parents isn’t about starting an argument to prove yourself right. It’s about having the right mindset. When you’re in the right state of mind, anything that Supermarket Susan or Facebook Frannie has to comment won’t bother you.

In the right mindset, even judgemental family members or friends won’t knock you down and have you doubting everything you’re doing for your children.

I used to feel so down on myself when I would see a nasty comment about autism on social media. My son has one of those backpacks with a harness and lead– you wouldn’t believe the comments and scowl I’ve gotten from people… well, maybe you can.


The world is full of a lot of negative people but that doesn’t knock me down anymore. I really couldn’t care less about any judgmental things someone has to say about the way I parent. I’m confident and assured that I’m doing what’s best for my family. Period.

Here are some things to always remember in the face of judgemental parents to help you feel more confident.

You’re Doing The Best You Can

No one understands your situation better than you. No one is with you or your children day in and day out like you are. No one has ever walked in your shoes. No one knows how many battles you’ve fought with your kids that day or what major issues you’re dealing with in your life right now.

You’re doing the best you can with what you’ve been given. There is always room for growth but don’t judge yourself for not being the fantasy parent in your mind. Love yourself for the imperfect and loving parent that you are today.

 

Understand That The ‘Judgers’ Literally Have No Idea What They’re Talking About

Okay, I have a huge confession that I’m slightly ashamed to admit: before I had an autistic child, I thought autism was a just a poor excuse parents gave to not discipline or vaccinate their children.

I literally had no idea what I was talking about. I didn’t know anyone that had autism. I had no idea what autism even was. I thought it was a behavioral issue and not a neurological disorder. I was uneducated and ill-informed. The judgment that I held had literally no merit or value. It had no basis of truth to stand on.

The people that judge your parenting style or your child’s behavior have no idea that they’re even talking about. Unless Supermarket Susan has walked a mile in your shoes, anything that comes out of her judgmental mouth-hole is just absolute crap. Move on with your life.

Negative People Will Find The Negative In Any Situation 

Negative people see the whole world through a sad, angry, and fearful lense. Because your two-year-old refuses to wear shoes while riding in the shopping cart, a negative person will look at you and say, “That is what’s wrong with America… parents aren’t teaching their children respect”. Alright, Facebook Frannie, that’s a little dramatic, don’t you think?

There are two types of people in this world: negative or positive.

Negative people will always lose at life because everything they can see is inherently bad. Even if Facebook Frannie has a nice family dinner she’ll say, “It would have been better if the waitress had refilled my diet Coke faster…” You cannot change this type of person, so don’t try.

Positive people find the joy in any situation. Positive people will always win at life because everything they see is always good. Life isn’t perfect and yes, sad things happen, but positive people are grateful for the people and experiences they get to have in our very short life here. Positive people don’t have time to judge a situation they don’t understand. Positive people always seek to understand and offer compassion.

Don’t let the negativity of Supermarket Susan or Facebook Frannie pull you down. You know the truth of your life, they know nothing about you– they just know how to be negative.

 

 

 

Offer Compassion to Those Who Judge

Whaaat? I can’t be serious, right? No, I am serious. I know it sounds all Biblical but you should offer compassion to those who judge you for several reasons.

You cannot receive compassion unless you give compassion. That’s a simple rule of life. You get what you give. You don’t yell and scream at someone in anger and then expect them to be loving and kind to you in return, do you? People don’t work that way.

Supermarket Susan and Facebook Frannie live to put other people down. Can you imagine how exhausting that must be to be living in a mind that’s filled with so much hate and anger? How many friends do you think Supermarket Susan and Facebook Frannie have? I’d bet you a hefty sum of money that 99.9% of people, especially their family members, hate being around them.

Negative people generally live a life of seclusion. Negative people hate and judge themselves the most, remember that.

Your Opinion Of Yourself Should Be The Only Opinion That Matters

You get to decide what’s best for you, your children, your family, and your happiness. If you decide that you’re going to pick your battles and let your two-year-old go shoeless in the shopping cart, then do it and don’t let Supermarket Susan’s ugly scowl make you question your decision at all.

You don’t owe anyone an explanation for your parenting style.

Stop giving a crap about what Facebook Frannie comments on an article. She’s the one that’s spending her days sitting on the couch and trolling people on the internet. What a life of excitement and joy Facebook Frannie is living, right?

I’m sure your mom or best friend have the best intentions but if you are making healthy decisions in your life that contribute to your growth, screw whatever they think you should do with your life. I mean that in a loving way, really.

 

You’ve Got This. I Promise.

If your kids are fed, shelter, and loved– you’re winning already. Don’t let anyone shake you down into negativity. Always remember who you are, how far you’ve come, and how much you love your children. Don’t let the Supermarket Susan’s or the Facebook Frannie’s of the world be in control of your confidence and happiness.

Your life is perfect in all those little joyous moments throughout the day. Focus on those joyous moments, those are the things that truly matter in life.

judged by other parents

 

 

8 Comments

  1. Christina

    Girlfriend, this is perfect. The WORLD should be listening to what you have to say. You make it a better place, I’m sure of it.

    Reply
  2. Sarah

    Wow that’s awesome! So true! And those who judge are really judging themselves. Thank you!!!

    Reply
  3. Wendy

    This is sooooo true and such a good reminder when we start getting down on ourselves…thx for posting!!

    Reply
  4. Sarah

    The world of parenting isn’t for the faint of heart – as a mom of two autistic children, I understand much of the frustration you are dealing with. For me, recognizing that I am not called to be a perfect mom, but simply the best mom I can be for my own kid’s needs helps!

    Reply
  5. renzi

    This was a good read. I know the feeling and really could care less about what other parents have to say or think. Everyone is different and I just focus on myself and family. There are a lot of negative people in this world and the only thing I could do is raise my boys with respect towards others. =)

    Reply
  6. kori

    ahhh momma! you spoke to my heart as a momma of a special needs kiddo I feel all sorts of stuff reading this! Thanks so much for sharing!

    Reply
  7. Riddhi

    Hey,,That was nice…like I take its true for all situations in life and not only about this mother kid relationship.
    Like its your life and your decision,how anyone else can decide it for you. Great going.

    Reply
  8. Tiffany

    Life is so tough as is without Mom shaming! You are so right about the root of it from negative people! I am learning to choose the people in my life more carefully with positive people! Great read!

    Reply

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Hey, I'm Nicole

Hey, I'm Nicole

I'M A SINGLE MOM OF A LITTLE BOY WITH AUTISM. I SHARE WHAT I'VE LEARNED ABOUT RAISING A SPECIAL CHILD WITH TIPS FOR SELF CARE AND PERSONAL  DEVELOPMENT

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